Not Perfect

Reading this blog it may seem like I am a perfect Mom - but I am not. I absolutely love being a Mom and feel that motherhood has been the best ever phase in my life, but I also feel that I can be much much better at being a Mom.

Although I give Adi the freedom to do what he likes most of the times, there are times when I am very impatient with him and shout at him, forget that he is just a 6 year old boy and expect him to behave like an adult, make him do things that he wouldn't want to (just because I feel it's good for him) and the worst of all and the one which makes me feel very bad about myself and which I am desperately trying to stop - give him a couple of whacks when he doesn't listen.

I think I was the most patient with him when he was a baby and a toddler. All I did then was make him laugh. If he threw a tantrum, I would patiently wait until it passed. If he cried, I would gently calm him down. If he didn't listen, I would come up with inventive ways to make him listen and do what I wanted. If he misbehaved, I would scold him, but he never faced any consequence. I still do all this - but now I shout at him, hurt him and make him cry too - and this hurts me a lot because I have absolutely no memories of my parents scolding me, hitting me or making me cry. I dont think I hit him at all until he turned 4. And then I saw some friends of mine doing it and how it made their child behave immediately and I gave it a try - and it worked!! Of course, I don't hit him black and blue - it's just a whack on his back - but he ends up crying - mostly because of the shock rather than the pain I guess. And now its become a habit and I do it whenever I am really angry, sometimes involuntarily - and then when I think back, the anger is not justified at all. I could have handled it better, I could have remained calm, I could have managed without hurting my baby. I have to remind myself that he is just a child and he cannot be perfect - nobody is. The days I am definitely in the wrong, I do explain to him why I hit him and also apologize - and then there are days when he gets angry that I hit him and asks me to apologize!! I should have never gotten into this - never done it even once in the first place. I will regret it forever.

Since he turned 7 last week, I have promised myself that I will never ever hit him again. I will scold him if he misbehaves or doesn't listen, but I will not hit him. This is a promise I am going to try my very  very best to keep.

A friend of mine posted this on facebook recently and I read the line 'Hands are not for hitting' and realized how true that was. I have printed this and stuck on my closet door to remind myself every single day.

Proud Of My Boy

This year we decided to celebrate Adi's birthday in a different way (separate post to follow on the birthday celebrations). Firstly, we had a birthday party in Bangalore instead of Malpe (so far, only his first birthday was celebrated in Bangalore) and secondly, we decided to keep it "gift free" for all the guests. We requested the quests to give us cash or cheques instead of presents and all the money collected would be donated to Relief Foundation to help them set up libraries in their resource centres (http://www.relieffoundation.org.in/).

I had discussed this idea with Adi before sending out the invites and if he was disappointed about the fact that he wouldn't be getting lots of presents - he didn't show it. I told him that he would get whatever he needed from us and maybe a few more from his family. So he was OK with this idea and told me to go ahead. We had planned for two parties - one for all his friends and one for family. The first party which had many guests - we kept gift free and the other we didn't specify so that Adi would still be excited about getting some gifts (after all which child doesn't love getting a present!).

In the first party, most of the guests gave us either cash or cheque and we managed to collect around Rs.18000!!!! A whopping amount which we never expected!!! We told Adi and he was happy that he could help other children with this money. He said 'now many children can read story books like I do' :)

During the second party which was after a week, my cousin gave him an envelope with cash in it - with two notes of 1000. Adi looked at it and said - 'Mama, one note is for the school and one note for me'. This was something which I never expected - that he would actually give away his gift himself. It was one of those 'teary eyed' moment for me and also a happy one because he was learning to give. Adi's Dad and I were so thrilled that we decided to keep both the notes in his money box!! :) He certainly deserved it!

And I am very, very proud of my little boy!!

Seven Years

Since my darling baby was born - to his birth mom whom I am sure loved him dearly. When Adi was born, I am sure she held him tight, smiled at him, cooed at him, hugged him warmly and did all the normal things that mothers usually do. Maybe in the few days that she was his Mom, she gave him as much love as she possibly could - knowing that she could not be with him forever. I can only imagine her hurt and her pain when she had to give her son up for adoption - I am sure she had a good enough reason. I normally don't think about Adi's birth mom - except when I am trying to tell him about it. But I always remember her on 4th Sept, on Adi's birthday - and I wonder if she is thinking of him that day, missing him, wondering where he is, if he happy, how he looks like, if he is naughty, if he is clever, which school he goes to, if his new parents treat him well, if she will ever see him again. I am a mother to this beautiful, energetic, funny, vivacious boy because of her, because she chose to leave her him in an adoption centre and not just abandon him in a random place. I have experienced pure joy and happiness, feel blessed every single day that I have been with my Adi, all because of this woman who I dont know and probably never will. Every year on Adi's birthday, I send out a quiet prayer saying thank u and not to worry about Adi. This year I asked Adi to pray for his birth mom too and he closed his eyes for a few seconds and said that he prayed for her. I hope she can hear us.

If It Does Not Rain...

The hose pipe will do!

And that's what the kids did for two straight days - turned the hose pipe on and played with water until they were dripping wet! Looking at them, for a brief moment, I wished I was a child too...

Happy Mom

This is what makes me the happiest - Adi telling me that what I have cooked is 'yum' and 'Mama, you are the best cook'!! And then licking the plate or bowl until it's spotless :) 

Made his favorite tomato soup today - with roasted tomatoes, onion and red pepper and he LOVED it!!! Had two full bowls and relished every bit of it - made me happy, happier, happiest :)))

More Excuses

Since we are on the topic of excuses, here's a classic one that Adi made up to skip swimming class at school. Adi has swimming class once a week in his school and after the first class he realized that the water was too cold for his liking. I also think or rather know for sure that it's not just the cold water, but that he is scared that he will have to venture to the deep side without floats and since his parents will not be around, he will drown if he does that.

Next week, on the day of the swimming class, he cried a bit in the morning and told me that he doesn't want to attend swimming class as the water is too cold and I told him that it is his decision whether he wants to get used to the cold water (I guess with the Bangalore weather being what it is, we cannot really expect the pool to have warm water other than April/May) or stay out of the pool and that I am ok with both. However, the condition was that he would tell his teacher himself that he wanted to stay out and that I would not send a note. So, the kid went to school with knitted brows and full of thoughts - I guess trying to figure out how to skip class.

The day went by and when Adi got off the school bus in the evening, he was full of smiles and the first thing that he said was 'Mama, no swimming today, only playing!'. I thought he probably got into the pool but didn't have to do any swimming and that the instructor let him play in the pool. When we got home, I realized that his costume as dry and my interrogation began :)

Me: Did you have swimming class today or was it cancelled?
Adi: We had swimming class
Me: Did you get into the pool?
Adi: No
Me: What were you doing?
Adi: Playing
Me: How did you manage to stay out?
Adi: (very sheepishly) I told teacher that I fell in the school bus and hurt my hands and that I wont be able to swim

I was both shocked and thrilled at the same time. Shocked because I did not expect him to make a fake excuse. Thrilled because he was smart enough to figure out a way to escape class all by himself!! I should have probably told him that it was a wrong thing to do, scolded him for lying, etc etc. But I didn't do any of that. Just listened to his story and decided that I will give him time to get over his fears, apprehensions and wait until he is ready. I know my son and I know that he will NOT DO something that he doesn't want to. So I just let it be.

The next week, I packed his swimming costume again in the hope that the teacher will call his bluff, but the kid had a new excuse!! This time it was the real one - that the water was too cold for him - and I also think he cried although he didn't tell me (well, it slipped out of his mouth once but he didn't mention it again).

The third week I decided not to send the swimming costume so that he wont have to make any more excuses. I shall wait until he is mentally ready for the class.

I shall be patient.

Excuses, excuses!

And what better excuse to not blog than the two month long, super fun and super lazy summer holidays!! And then one whole month and a little bit more to recover from the holidays, get used to Adi's new school routine and get back to my old routine!!! Now that the excuses are over and done with, am trying to get my life back on track and am back to my favorite time of the day - remembering and writing about my dear, naughty son - never fails to bring a huge grin on my face :)